Endless Winter

from What We're Not by FOX Japan

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lyrics

Summer, before becoming her prey. Corporate retreat, she stole me away. Seemed to love Christ but led me astray. Hardly touched before our wedding day. Prayed and cut the cake on a silver tray. Cabin by the ski slope getaway. That was where it all went wrong.

I broke my back the only time my wife and I were intimate. Why did my soulmate smash my spine and act like I was into it? How did I miss her cruel design that awful endless winter?

Daily I begged for pills to kill pain. Tied me to a table, rope and wire. Nursed me to health, then hurt me again. Read it from the book, brimstone, hellfire. Said to me a verse, then wrapped barbed wire. Needed food and water, no one higher. Wondered how it all went wrong.

I spent my twenties as a rake, a swaggering Lothario. Was this what she thought I deserved, this "Misery" scenario? How did I miss her cruel design that awful endless winter?

Years I spent on the vine, memorized pickup lines, tracking mine, sending signs. Nobody gets too close. Punished for what I was, or some weird thing she does? Justice served? Just because? Nobody gets too close. Not so young, making off, did my worst, tipped the trough. Change of heart not enough? Nobody gets too close.

Pain went away over time but memories persist in me. I see a shrink for post-traumatic symptoms with consistency. How did I miss her cruel design that awful endless winter?

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from What We're Not, released March 10, 2020

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